I know you can say my name...but can you spell it?

"Today's post will offend many people. I am sorry in advance."

BBM chat box: GM frn, hv a gr8 day. Hv to smile fr me!

*side eye*

Really??

This is not going to sit well with me AT ALL. This is a message send to my phone at 6 am by a young man who is "interested". He obviously got the address mixed up. 

Even though I cannot boast an English degree, I have achieved CXC* Grade One in English Language and English Literature and I will not demean years of hard earned high school education by reducing the word have to two letters and neither should anyone trying to get to know me.

Now before you get ready to put me on blast - YES, I admit I type various forms of rubbish when I am typing to friends in chat boxes. I make a million typos and never bother to correct myself, because they know what I mean, but lines like the one above are delivered by persons too lazy to type four letters rather than two. And any man who cannot take enough time to type  me a complete sentence is wasting his time typing to me at all.

The post below was that of another young man.

In case you didn't get it - "assume" is really "awesome".

I KNOW AND UNDERSTAND, everyone CANNOT and WILL not be able to function at the same academic capability, but I am talking about young men who went through the school system and GRADUATED the same way I did, but can post a facebook status such as - "I am so boared."

and try to claim that it was a typo.

I might let you get away with it...but when you start confusing are with or and they, their and there, we are going to have serious problems. That was Primary/Junior school stuff that you should have been able to grasp to even reach high school level! 

A young man once said/typed to me - "if you wuz my gurl, I wud buy you lawngeray." 

while another wanted to put wiped cream on my body.

Admittedly, I cannot spell and/or pronounce everything, there are a million words I do not know, AND there are some people who cannot spell or write their own name that make far more money than I perhaps ever will and others making it through life just fine. But as a man, if you are going to be fresh, at least spell what you want to do to me correctly. 

Some men like women with big butts, I don't have one, so they don't want me. I like my men with education. It's easier to get an education than a big butt (cheaper too).

Bisous!!xoxo

Smile at random people...it makes your day.

You thought, perhaps, that my blog title had an error and should read - Smile at random people...it makes their day. But no, I knew just what I was saying.

I have noticed as I shop and do business on my sweet island home, I encounter a number of negative, aggressive people and for many years, I was one of those people myself. It took me many years of developing in age and wisdom to begin to change my outlook.
On occasion I do fall into moments of sadness or doubt, and maybe the tide of one or two pessimistic thoughts may wash over my exhausted soul, but in those times I force myself to "count my blessings" and not to compare my life and the significance of it to that of Beyonce or Rosa Parks.

Thinking how small I can be in a big world, would put me in a mental institute. Thinking how big I be in my own small corner will propel me to want to do all I can to make my small corner the best it can be. 

Ever smiled at a random stranger? It can be a hilarious thing. Most people are so used to minding their own business and not considering the existence of others that a smile in their direction can be a baffling thing. I have seen people react with a look that indicated I must have skipped my meds that morning.
But some people smile back...
It is in THAT moment a "spark" is shared between two strangers, an unsaid wish for a good day and the feeling is a contagious one.

Ever complimented a stranger? Ever casually mentioned while waiting in a line that someone's shoes, hair or watch was nice? A word as boring as "nice" is all it takes to make that person blush, smile, or start a full fledged conversation with you.

You might be thinking - I have lost my mind, and I want you to go out in the world and make friends with random people who can't pay your bills or solve your problems, and worse case scenario could be a serial killer. But believe me friends, it takes great composure, to smile at a stranger when your own world is falling apart - and it takes some kind of unseen strength and courage to compliment someone else on the day your self esteem is lowest.

From personal experience I have found, it opens something inside you. An action so simple, so small, and often so overlooked by the receiver, can fill you with a small sense of purpose. You may not be able to sing like Adele, pose like Tyra, or win votes like Obama. But you may make one person who was close to suicide turn back because you said something nice - or because you offered a smile that made them feel that for one moment, their life was going to be better. And in turn, it touches your life in a remarkable way.

Don't believe me? TRY IT TODAY!!

What's the worse that could happen. Even if you don't feel better - someone else will. Bet you that smile comes back around.

Bisous!!xoxo

Stupid calling stupid stupid.

I am highly upset at the "trend" that seems to be forming these days with our black "fathers".(African american, dark skinned, whatever your preference of word is).
These days when I ask men who are no longer in a relationship with the mother of their children about the mother of their children, the first thing I hear is, "She is stupid." "She a clown." "She retarded." "She dumb." and often a number of derogatory statements and cuss words.

NOW I KNOW THAT WOMEN do the same thing too, but today, I am on the case of these fathers, because EVERY man I have spoken to within the last two months has given me this story and it has made me understand why more men and women alike say they prefer to be with a spouse who does not have children. (maybe I need to change my circles as well)

MY PROBLEM with these statements is very clear. If you went to bed with and had a child for a woman that is stupid, retarded and a barrage of other negative things, then does it not make you by association just as stupid? Why would you have a child from a stupid retarded woman? ARE YOU RETARDED?

The argument always is that men did NOT KNOW the woman was stupid and lazy until after she got the baby, or she didn't show her true nature until your baby was born. Let me sock it to you brothers - ONE -the woman was ALWAYS that way. She was always mean, nasty, ignorant, miserable and all the other things you call her, but instead of getting to know her personality you were too busy getting to know the contours of her vagina.

TWO -women have a different hormonal makeup than men, I am not using that fact as an excuse, but to say - women go through hormonal changes as a part of life, and during pregnancy those changes are even more evident. Some men don't believe the cravings and other emotions women experience during pregnancy are real, but believe me brother, they are. The things she once liked, she may now detest and it may be confusing to you why the woman is snapping at you and acting mean or crying at everything. As a man, you have to TAKE TIME to understand changes that occur in PREGNANT WOMEN, before you dismiss the woman for acting foolish. THAT IS PART OF BEING A FATHER - NOT JUST DEPOSITING SPERM.
If a woman gets pregnant under high stress (where her parents are upset or she had to quit her job due to morning sickness) she may end up taking it out on you, especially if she is young and "not emotionally ready".

How can you see a baby, beautiful,happy, healthy and talk bad about
the woman that is raising it?

SOME FATHERS boast how much they love their children. How can you look at your offspring, that LIVES in the CARE of it's mother - see it is healthy, clean and happy and TALK BAD ABOUT THAT MOTHER? She may have a nasty attitude, but she is obviously taking care of that child.

There are men who are victims of truly "evil" women, and have truly tried, but DO NOT sit there and say the mothers DO NOT ALLOW YOU TO SEE your offspring - do you know there is COURT and laws to ensure you CAN? AS a man, you are ashamed to be seen in child court to get rights FOR YOUR OWN CHILD YOU CLAIM TO LOVE, but continue to trash talk the mother.

MAN UP. STOP the hate and negativity towards our single mothers. It is HARD as hell to be a mother, especially a young, single one. BEFORE you start to see all the flaws in her - assess the flaws in YOURSELF!! NONE of us are perfect.

I KNOW these types of topics have many sides and angles, but all I am asking my black fathers today is to -
FORGIVE and MOVE PAST IT - what's done is done and the CHILDREN you claim to love are picking up on the negativity and aggression and becoming angry, bitter individuals learning how to hate with the inability to forgive or show  real love and compassion.

(PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS POST PERSONALLY, this is just my opinion on what I have seen and dealt with personally. I applaud all you fathers that do your best OR try your best. God bless you.I will deal with the women at a later date.)

Bisous!!xoxo

Parents vs Teachers: Round one - Fight!!

In recent school issues, the headmaster of the Garrison secondary school send a reported more than 200 children home for wearing the incorrect uniform. This caused a HUGE to do in Barbados and sent parents of the children flocking to the school in droves.

I don't know if the parents were issued a letter stating what was wrong with the uniforms that they were in violation of the school dress code or not - but if not, any concerned parent would go to find out just what the issue with the uniform was...however, it seems many of the parents were not concerned about the fact that their offspring were in actual violation of the dress code more than they cared about giving the poor headteacher a piece of their minds.

Let me state clearly which side I take in this dispute.
Team Headteacher!!

The dress and not to mention behavior of school children in this country has become downright disgraceful. Young people have lost, or perhaps never had, respect for themselves, and obviously cannot hold respect for a uniform.
The young men cannot keep their shirts in their pants, while the women hang their belts around their necks rather than their middles, with uniform hems in blatant violation of the rule of most schools, which states uniforms are to be three inches below the knee.

Three inches below the knee may seem like grandma's skirt to you, and while it is true that even an ankle length uniform will not stop hormonal teenage boys (and grown men) from gawking at a round rear end or ample bosoms and making cat calls, the fact remains - That is the RULE, regardless of how you feel about it and therefore it should be followed. It is not to make young people feel stifled in their uniform, but to teach them a sense of self respect and the principle of a time and place for everything, including a way of dress.

Too many parents, because of how they feel about the rules themselves, allow their children to bend them, even if ever so slightly and assure themselves - and young ones - that it is okay to deviate from the rules, if the deviation is minor. So to wear incorrect socks, shoes, pants, or cheat on your hemline, is acceptable if it is not obviously outstanding. Obviously, these parents do not understand the concept of being "uniformed".

I saw this photo where parents tried to show the females in correct uniform as a ploy to demean the authority of the headmaster, but anyone falling for this is dumb as dirt. If the ladies had indeed been dressed in the correct uniform as shown in the picture, why would he have dismissed them? Is he blind? or crazy? I'm sure the man was neither bored nor seeking attention.

Many of the parents used the excuse that they have more than one offspring and some of the female uniforms were short due to the fact that they were forced to wear old uniforms that they were steadily growing out of. Others claimed they could not find correct shoes, socks, etc.
I am certain a simple letter, phone call or visit to the school explaining any of the above mentioned situations to headmaster, deputy or another prominent person would have sufficed. The parents are making excuses for their own lazy, don't carish behavior. HOWEVER, many of them DO SEND their children to school dressed correctly and are unwilling to believe that their angel daughters and sons would willingly adjust their uniforms to breech the school rules claiming the teacher is lying on the child. (Because teachers have nothing better to do, naturally).

Rules are made for a reason, sometimes, we don't agree with them, but they are measures to go about changing things. I wish more parents would encourage their children to FOLLOW rules instead of trying to find ways to bop and weave between the lines. As children go into society they will encounter rules and restrictions everywhere, it is imperative that they understand HOW to deal with rules, and situations that they may not find fair.

Parents only have to deal with one child who may variate from the rules, teachers have to deal with hundreds. It is within the teachers right (and sanity) to maintain discipline in the school setting. The headteacher did not ask for a pint of blood. Only that the young men and women of his school adhere to the simple rule of the dress code. Comon parents, it really isn't that hard.

Food for thought.
Bisous!!xoxo

Love or cocoa tea?

That cocoa tea, is a poison to me,
Everytime I drink it, I don't know where I'll be.
If you want to find me, yuh gotta look for me,
'Cause she got my head upside a down
wid a cup a dah cocoa tea.





What you just read is an chorus of a Bajan folk song called Cocoa tea. I woke up with that song in my head this morning after a conversation last night at my neighborhood shop.
In Barbados, almost every neighborhood has a shop. It's usually a tiny add on to somebody's house that sells some of everything from food stuff to soap and combs for your hair. We used to call some of these shops "rum shops" because they sold rum and the older men would hang around after work drinking, talking and playing dominoes.

No one really talks about rum shops anymore, and the shops have indeed upgraded - one of the ones closest to my house has a flat screen television and is like a side street theater on weekends. Now both young and old can be found hanging around "liming" and talking.
The shops are good for not just getting your groceries, but for often bringing together young and old. And where there are people, there is talk, and there are a hundred perspectives to every story.

I happened to be in the shop when the conversation arose about a young man who had moved  a young female and her four children to his house. While the woman worked in the day, he quit his day job to prepare the children for school, cooked and kept house until she returned in the evening, then he would go to his night job. The friendly debate of the topic was if the woman had given the man cocoa tea or not.

NOW for those of you who may not be familiar with the term cocoa tea, it is an expression used to indicate that a person is working Obeah (voodoo) on another. It is often said when a man does things that are considered "extereme" or in change of his character for a woman, that the woman has worked some sort of Obeah on him to make him behave this way.
The song above, Cocoa tea, was a cleverly crafted song about such, where the woman the writer was in love with, had mixed a potion and administered it to him in cocoa tea.

So the debate went on - some people stuck out that the man was simply in love, and love made men do things that they themselves would never dream they could do, while others derived that any bachelor who would willingly give up one of his income sources in these hard economic times to care for a woman and four kids that were not his own must be under the influence of some "dirty hand".

And what, you wonder, did I have to say?
"Can I have a pack of salt bread please?"

Haha - I leave you guys to ponder it. Love? Or Cocao tea? You decide.


Bisous!!xoxo

Men want ROMANCE too!!

Yesterday a female friend of mine said she was taking her boyfriend to lunch and I was proud of her for paying the extra attention to him until she said she was taking him to Chefette.
For those who don't know Chefette is a fast food restaurant in Barbados - and though there is nothing wrong with taking your spouse to Chefette or any other fast food place if they like fast food, I found myself thinking about the women that complained when a date took them to lunch at a fast food restaurant.

Now I know some of you are getting ready to put me on blast, so let me get to the point fast. Again, there is nothing wrong with going to a fast food place, SOME women don't care where a man takes them as long as they can spend time with him and other women will not give the time of day to any man who won't spend a pretty penny on their desires. What I do know for sure is that the average woman, no matter what category she falls into, wants her boyfriend/husband/date to put a little extra effort into making them feel special, which is what a spouse supposed to do. So let's flip the script.

Many women are always complaining there is no romance in their relationship, so here is where I get to the heart of the matter. As a woman - are YOU creating any?
Why is it that some women feel romance is limited to them alone? Don't men want romance too?

People keep saying men have failed society, but I think it is society that has failed our men by placing these expectations on them of the image they should uphold.
Men are supposed to be hard, thick skinned and never cry, yet they are supposed to know how to rub a woman's feet, give her candlelit dinner and be sensitive to her pre-menstrual emotions?
Women complain men don't know how to treat them, but they never show them how to and on the back of it, some hardly ever consider a man wants to feel special and loved just as they do.

True, they are many men that extend romance as far as their X-box game consoles, or maybe that is what they have become used to. His face may morph into one of pure horror at the suggestion of a candle lit dinner or seaside stroll, but because he is apprehensive doesn't mean you should not try, chances are he may like it or he may very well get to like it and create with you a new ritual that you can call your own and store in your memories. Sometimes people only need a little pull or push out of their comfort zones.
It is not the "romantic" thing in itself that counts, it is the fact that you took the time and effort to make him feel needed and wanted and loved.
Don't be fooled, men need to feel those things as much as women do. 

There is no need to go out of budget for expensive seafood restaurants, yes, you could very well go to Chefette and find romance in a milkshake, but if you eat out all the time, try something new. As a beautician I gave some of my boyfriends pedicures- some I almost had to tie to the chair because they thought it was so unmanly and swore to never tell their male friends ever, and some wanted to show their feet off to the world and tell everyone. That may not seem romantic to you, but a little attention can mean a lot.

Next time you and your boyfriend go out, or eat out...PAY! that can be as wonderful as a weekend at the Hilton Hotel.

So my ladies, if you are in a relationship today, make a little extra effort.
(Guys you can thank me later)


Bisous!!xoxo

Designer Days 2. the animal edition.

Here is some more of my work. These tops were made for the summer, but because Barbados is warm most of the year, cute tanks and tops never go out of style.

 

By November I am hoping to have my line of party ready dresses available. But some of the tops and tubes are still available for anyone interested.
You can email me - cocoabisou@gmail.com to order and for info
OR you can email stefiemontez@gmail.com and follow me on twitter for updates on new designs.
https://twitter.com/StefieMontez

Tiger print tank - (all sold out)

Tiger print tank with lace back and pocket - ( still available for sale)

The rear of the animal print tank with lace pocket

Animal print tube top ( still available for sale) BDS$10

lace black top shown with animal print tube beneath (still available for sale) lace tops BDS $30

Show your colors!

As I was browsing on line for whatever reason, I came across this photo on a site, ridiculed by the blog author for being silly and inappropriate.
Silly and inappropriate where? when? and to who?

It's amazing to me that in 2012 we are still so stereotypical and critical of everything.

The blogger suggested that the person wearing this rainbow hair would be unable to get a job if they were to go for an interview. What if the person is self - employed? What if the female is a talented artist and her hair is her trademark? What if she was a model spruced up for some colorful photo shoot?
There are so many possible reasons. BUT would it be so awful to go to the bank and see the teller with these colorful curls? Does it mean the service at her counter would be any worse than than that of the teller with all black or brown hair pulled into a ponytail?

What are we so afraid of when we see bright hair or tattoos or piercings or dreadlocks. Do we still believe those things come with the attached stigmas of prostitutes, drug dealers,satanist and ganja smokers? Are the people with the above mentioned things "bad"? and the people without them "good" and upstanding and trustworthy?

I WILL not pretend that I do not know how how we dress (and style our hair) is a reflection of who we are on the inside. But having multiple colors in your hair neither makes you a clown, a prostitute, or a number at the unemployment office. Yet society would have us believe no good can come from a person with a head of hair like this.

Some of you will be mad at this post, that is your choice just as it is a woman's choice to dye her hair whatever color she feels. Bright color hair may not be your thing and no one will judge you for that. So why judge someone who steps outside the box?

In keeping with the times - I say, You Only Live Once. If you want to do something that doesn't put your health and life or the health and lives of others at risk - Go For It.
Show Your Colors Today!

Bisous!!xoxo

Designer Days

Top made by me

 Somewhere, at some point in time - I showcased this top and a few others on a blog I had before, but knowing me, I probably deleted it and moved on to some new project.
So, here we go again. 
I made this top and I am proud of it. The End.

Two toned tiger print top made by - moi!

If you ladies are in Barbados and you want to have tops made so you can stand out from the crowd, I am only a tweet, email or facebook inbox away.

cocoabisou@gmail.com

https://twitter.com/CocoaBisou

http://www.facebook.com/cocoabisou

Bisous!!xoxo

Meet ME!!

If I could trade places with another person every week I probably would. that may sound strange to you, but  I have never been intrigued by monotony. I would relish the chance to experience a new country and a new culture from the point of view of another person.

Which brings me to the question...who am I?     

I am a Caribbean woman - with a creative spirit, always full of ideas and big dreams. If only I could sit still long enough to see any of those dreams to fruition. 

Once I was going to be a ballerina and I did pretty good on my toes too! Then, I was going to be a rapper - I had skills on the mic and got played on local radio. 

Somewhere along the line I wanted to teach and worked with kids, but that was until I decided I was going to own my own spa.

You can see where I am going with this...

The thing is - I am good at all these things - and more! I make my own clothes and fabric bags, I do hair and nails, am a certified child care provider, drop a rap line every now and again and will lock myself in my room and forget to eat when I get caught up writing a new novel. Yup, you heard me, I write novels as a hobby. I have five completed (unpublished, of course) novels on my bookshelf and I am just proud to look at them.

In addition, I market my mother's bridal business House of Fashion & Design and make bridal bouquets among other things and decorate for wedding receptions.

One would figure I would be rolling in some kind of dough by now, but maybe, my ideas and dreams are just that - ideas and dreams... But life would be no fun if I couldn't wake up with the freedom I have every day to say to myself - I will try something new today. 

This blog is a journey into my life and thoughts. 

( Cocoa Bisou was the name I played with for a line of petite sized clothing. Bisou means kiss in french,  I liked the idea of cocoa kisses, so I just hung onto that name. Hopefully my little blog post will be like tiny cocoa kisses in your day. Sometimes we all need them)