Put yourself in another's shoes...

Recently I have not shared any local news and so I thought I would touch briefly on one of the recent topics trending in Barbados.

All of us have heard by now of the case of the father who forgot his baby in the backseat of the car and due to suffocation in the heat of the vehicle the child subsequently died.

Now, I will admit, when the story was first told to me (in the salon, no less) I was highly appalled and agitated. My first thought was what kind of negligent parent forgets their baby in the back seat of their car, when we have heard one too many stories of deaths in hot vehicles in cases where parents rushed out to collect some item of shopping thinking it was safe to leave their baby for a brief minute?

When the full story came to light, I allowed myself to properly absorb it, but at fist it was still it bit hard for me to digest. That was the point where I had to put myself in the shoes of this man.
When it comes to being forgetful, I am the queen of the kingdom. I have left on many minor appliances, forgotten the keys to my workplace on various occasion and such other things that could be overlooked or considered trivial in the comparison to the life of a child being at risk. But here is where you have to allow ourselves to see how something small can turn into something big.

What I had to do was to imagine having the number of kids and responsibilities of this man, as well as falling into his daily routine. Some of us with or without children who are creatures of habit, understand how working by routine keeps life as we know it from falling apart. Something as simple as drinking coffee every morning is a habitual act that if not done can throw off an entire day for some people.
So, with that in mind it becomes easy to see how a man that drives his children in a specific pattern everyday would be able to falter when the pattern was changed.

How many times have you changed your routine to accommodate something or someone else? A friend may have called to say there is a detour on your usual route, but even though you have planned in your head to turn right instead of left at the junction to accommodate the detour, you end up turning left anyway because the human brain and body often falls victim to habit.
Such was the case with this father, who may have prepared himself to adjust his schedule that morning, but as a creature of nature, his brain and body followed his regular routine.

It was then I truly understood the heartache that weighed on this man and the guilt that he would forever live with. I wonder if the mother of this child could forgive him for what can be deemed as an innocent mistake, yet one that has undoubtedly torn their lives.

For the few who still are unable to show sympathy to the plight of this man, consider this. You left home for work one morning and forgot your iron on, a simple mistake, until you come home and find your house burned to the ground. Then you find out some family member returned home from work ill during the day and was asleep in bed when the plug sparked and caught the drapes and the house went up in flames.
An innocent mistake - a moment of forgetfulness turned into tragedy.

Before you judge, take the age old advice of walking in another's shoes. Sometimes it is good to asses a situation from a perspective rather than your own.
My heart goes out to that family.

Bisous. xoxo

Touchy Topic - High or low?

Topic as sent in - How do you cope with a partner whose sex drive doesn't match yours?

Let me dive right in today, no pun intended, and give you these two words...
 COMMUNICATION and COMPROMISE.

When sex drives are out of sync one partner will always be frustrated or unhappy

It's amazing to me that in an era where sex is portrayed on a regular basis in some form or fashion all around us, be it music videos, billboards, commercials, posters and whatever else, that people are still apprehensive when it comes to talking about it with their partners.
If you find yourself such a situation talking is the first step to dealing with it.



Now, by not matching it is obvious one drive is high and one is low, therefore there will be frustration on both parts. One person will be under pressure to give and give and the other will be frustrated by the lack of receiving.
The human body works differently for everyone. The first thing to determine is weather or not the low or high drive is irregular. By this I mean the person with the high drive may have a sex addiction, which is now an actual diagnosed illness treatable with medication. The person with the low sex drive can have a loss of libido due to illness, medication, stress, eating habits and a wide spectrum of other such things.

Your partner is not a mind reader
They cannot always determine what you want or do not want
TALK to them.

If neither of these things are the case and the two drives just do not balance out, the next step is the compromising. If you are in a well balanced healthy relationship, (meaning if you and your partner are harmoniously in sync about everything else not sex related) and you do not wish to loose the other great factors of it, then both of you will have to mutually decide how what is done and when. Who gets the quickie sometimes and who gets the all day marathon on Sundays and how to switch it up.
And I do stress both and mutually for the fact that one person may very well be willing to adjust their lifestyle to suit the other, but one of the drawbacks to solo decisions in a two person relationship, is the possibility of resentment brewing in time to come.
There have been individuals who have changed their lifestyle to accommodate the needs of their partner and have done very well, but it takes time as well as patience on the part of the partner as well.


There are different strokes for different folks, again, no pun intended. In relationships there are such things as deal breakers. You will have to determine just how important and influential sex in the relationship is to you and make any decision based on that.
If you can't make it work, make it walk. No point wasting time trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. Find someone who is better in sync with you.

Touchy Topic - Expecting Chivalry.

Touchy Topic as sent in - As an independent woman do you expect chivalry from a man? Does being an independent woman mean chivalry from a man shouldn't expected or wanted?

INDEPENDENT - free from influence guidance or foreign/outside control (thinking or acting for ones self) - self governing - self sufficient - not relying on others...

Hmm... makes it kind of difficult to asses right?
In my opinion being independent does not mean you do not expect or accept things from men.  You can take a man's gift, money, kindness or help, with out being ANY LESS self sufficient than you were the day before. But the fact is to not be dependent on these acts of kindness or goodwill.



It seems that these days independence goes right next to being single, lonely and bitter. Women have focused so much on doing it all alone, we have boxed ourselves into a corner where we act like any interaction with men will cause us to fall sick and die.

Men and women were both created to co-exist. You can be in a relationship or date and still be independent. I think independence and compromise have to find even ground. Trying to be the larger than life Bionic women that we feel we were destined to be are giving more men  the excuse of  being lazy and negligent.

First of all, I strongly believe, being independent stems from having a great respect for self. If you respect yourself enough, you will want to be able to hold your head high with the knowledge that you worked hard for the things you own and did not acquire them by sponging off the hard - earned money of another. I think if you as a woman respect yourself, then it is only natural that you expect any man (or woman for that matter) that comes along to respect you also.

If that is indeed the case, we set up certain standards for ourselves, and certain "rules and regulations" that we expect anyone coming into our lives to meet.
Example - if you don't smoke and wish others not to smoke around you because it throws of your allergies, or you simply don't like it, then THAT is a standard or rule that you expect your friends to respect.

Likewise, if a man comes into your life and you are an age old hopeless romantic who wants a door to be opened for you. WHY THE HECK NOT? 
Chivalry goes hand in hand with manners, something lacking in men today. If a man suggest you are independent therefore you can open your own door - get rid of him - and fast. The matter at hand is NOT that you claim to be self sufficient, it is that he is lazy and selfish.


If you are a woman just going about your business and a man is not kind or mannerly toward you, big deal - get past it, that is the nature of humans in this modern time.  We expect people to be polite and considerate, most of them simply are not.
If you are talking about dating or actively seeking a partner who will not offer you his jacket when you are cold because you are independent  and should have brought your own- RUN FROM HIM. He is not worth a minute of your time.
 A man may seem like he is giving you space and freedom to do your thing, but what he is doing is finding an excuse not to treat you the way any proper man should treat a woman.

An this is not a battle of the sexes. I open doors for my friends, I hold hands with my female cousin and I am very much heterosexual. I love my family and friends, therefore I show it. If a man is interested, he will show it and he will want to show it. He will not allow your independence to deter him from showing affection in whatever way - be if gifts or gestures.
REMEMBER men also have egos and feelings that we as women (AS HUMAN BEINGS) need to take into consideration.
ALLOW a man to BE A MAN with you. Let him pay for a date, let him drive, let him hold the bags if he can and is willing. If you want to be the type of independent woman that doesn't need anything from anyone anywhere - go live in the mountains.

Bisous!!xoxo

Dolly Dilemmas

 It's Monday! After the weekend of relaxing/karaoke/housework/whatever, I know the brain is often in go slow mode. So I will keep the post simple today for all the brains whose batteries have not yet fully recharged.
Last week I gave you a post about pregnant Barbie and this week I'm back to share some of the other controversial barbie dolls that you may or may not have heard of.
Easy on the eye, easy on the brain. HAVE A GREAT MONDAY EVERYONE!

Here is the already familiar pregnant Barbie

Here is wheelchair bound Barbie. The controversial doll was meant to teach children about living in a world among people with disabilities. Thumbs up!

Bald Barbie, the symbol of breast cancer survivors everywhere, comes with a collection of wigs. As a breast cancer supporter I also admire this concept of Barbie as a strong woman of the world. Who needs hair? 

Fat Barbie.  I think I understand the logic behind this to be that big women are beautiful, but this photo alone encourages a negative image of big women. I'm not sure if the fries and hamburger were included but I think someone got fired over this one.

Tattoo Barbie. Barbie is a pop princess with her bold blunt bob in pink and a cascade of tats on her shoulders and neck. This one was an incredibly controversial doll that raised the question of what are we really teaching young girls? Are we teaching them NOT to be stereotypical or are we teaching them it is cool to get inked from an early age?

More of Tattoo Barbie's tatts. I think there is a doll that also comes with removable tats so barbie can switch up her tat style until she finds the one she likes best.

Zombie Barbie. Enough said.

Psycho Barbie.  Comes with decapitated Ken - Okay, I confess, this twisted version of Barbie IS NOT on the market, but I did wander across quite a few scenarios for the crazed version of the doll. If you have an inquiring mind, you can google psycho barbie for yourself and see some of the queer imaginations of adults.

All fashionable and glam ladies can feel free to check the facebook page Divas & Dolls for fun fashion tips, blogs, photos, shopping info and more! Click on the link and don't forget to click LIKE on the page to show your support!http://www.facebook.com/pages/Divas-Dolls/261388773962577?ref=hl


Bisous!!xoxo

Sunday's Sermon - Disconnecting

"The brain is a computer - an organic one." Walter Bishop

Last week, a few of my readers noticed they did not see any facebook tags for blog post from me and they questioned me about it. I said to them simply, I was temporarily disconnected.

Through my blog I have made online connections and people who talk to me and ask me questions know me as a positive, upbeat young woman, who makes them see the glass as half full, but certainly they know my life like everyone else's is not always sunshine and rainbows. I often have situations that make me want to scream and throw in the towel.

Chances are I will scream, loudly. I have done it once in the middle of the street with no remorse for passers by, nor fear of their opinion of my level of sanity. In fact I suggest a good loud scream and a cry to everyone every where.
Anyone who knows me personally knows I am a person of extreme emotion. For me happiness, sadness, anger, and a wide spectrum of other emotions, is very intense.
For this reason, from time to time, when I am overcome by great anger or sadness I am a person who will disconnect.

For the last two weeks I was battling some physical and emotional issues and even though they did not affect my ability to blog, I simply choose NOT to. For a few days I lay in bed with my clock chiming every four hours to remind me to take my medication, and in between hours, I slept or stared at the ceiling thinking of either the pain I was in, the things I had to deal with when I got better, the new novel I was going to write, or just nothing at all.

I did not answer mail, I did not watch You Tube. I did not take any phone calls. I DISCONNECTED myself entirely. And this may seem strange to you, but have you heard of the word retreat? Are you aware people pay hundreds of dollars to go to some remote island or new country and stay in the country side where there are no televisions, radios or any form of internet connection just so they can spend a weekend doing exactly what I did at home for free?

 Sometimes, we as people cling to other people and things to much to get by. Some people cannot go two seconds without checking their phone for messages. their life has become consumed by the internet.
Other people can only handle difficult situations at the end of a bottle of liquor or legs up in another persons bed.
When we lose touch with ourselves we loose the ability to overcome difficult situations.

Note I said OVERCOME and not just deal with or handle. Everyone deals with situations daily. For example, a woman may be dealing with being in an abusive relationship, but she needs to OVERCOME being in that situation for her life to change or be better.

Now if you are still thinking I and the people who pay to shut the world out need Dr. Phil or some form of physiatric help, go tell it to the Chinese, who have been teaching the art of meditation for over countless centuries. When you sit cross legged in a quiet room or open space devoid of distraction and "clear your mind' you are putting into practice the art of disconnecting.
Meditation is the way that people who cannot leave their businesses of families and run off to a weekend retreat can disconnect temporarily and put their qi back in order.

(Qi - the Chinese word pronounced che or chi used to speak of the circulating life force of a body or being. Google it)

This is more important than you may think. Just as our bodies need a balance of food and nutrients, it needs psychological balance as well. This is what prevents us from killing people (or ourselves) among other things that will have us imprisoned or committed to a mental hospital.

 You see, like Mr. Bishop said in the opening quote, with all our electrical impulses and constant downloading and uploading of information, our brains are much like computers (of the organic type). We know all too well what happens if your computer is overloaded or overheated. The same goes for our minds and bodies.


You don't have to sit crossed legged with fingers touching and hum or recite some ancient ritualistic phrase. But every now and then you can turn off your computer, your cell phone, your kids (and yes, you can turn off your kids, tell you more about it later) and do one of two things -
1. Let your mind wander free to think of anything and everything. You will be surprised the money making ventures or solutions to problems you may come up with.
OR 2. Let your mind think of nothing at all. You will also be surprised the things you come up with when you're not thinking.

The point of it all is to have a selfish moment where YOU, YOU and YOU are the only thing that matters in the entire world. Not your kids, not the dog, not the people on facebook or at your workplace.
DISCONNECT.
Try it.

Live Within Your Means This Christmas.

Ah yes, it's the most wonderful time of the year - so the song goes.
It's also one of the most chaotic times of the year.
Some Bajans live to impress and show off  and their desire to keep up with the Jones' in December often means running from the bailiff in  January.
Most of us have heard the stories of persons who decorate their homes with new furniture and appliances only to have them carted back to the store in the new year.

As a child, like most children in middle income Barbadian homes, I have grown up with the ritual of decorating the tree a few weeks prior to Christmas day, stringing a barrage of lights about the place, cleaning the house and baking the ham and pork on Christmas eve. Each family has it's own way of doing things.

Whoever said Christmas was for children had a valid point, for as I grew up Christmas became so commercialized, it was all about the gifts I was no longer receiving and the money that I could not afford to spend. The lights and tree and cleaning became tiresome rituals I no longer wanted to be bothered with after a long hectic week of work and being raised in a Christian background I always figured, if Jesus was born in a manger meek and lowly, why were people killing themselves to have so much extravagance on the day of his birth.

Notice I said I was raised in a Christian environment. I do not seek to argue with any reader weather or not Christmas day is in December or January or if it even exist at all. Moving on...

It came to my attention that non - believers were the ones who turned Christmas into a big fiasco (I love that word), since they don't celebrate Jesus they could might as well find some way to make money out of another supposedly sacred holiday, but now Christians themselves have jumped on the Santa Clause bandwagon and they don't care one way or another if the Easter Bunny comes down the chimneys they do not have, as long as there is ham to give him.

So I ran away from my traditional Christmas at home and had Christmas at another house where there was no tree, no new curtains or mats, and due to the fact that everyone in the house was vegetarian there was no chicken, ham or pork either. I recall someone asking me how I survived it.
It was the best Christmas I ever had thus far in my adult hood. Four friends, some fish and some salads was all it took.
I did not label this post - "What does Christmas mean to you?" as I was going to. Christmas means different things for everyone. For some it is the celebration of a baby messiah, for others it's about gifts and trappings, and for some it is just another ordinary day. The point I really wanted to get across is this. It doesn't take a whole lot of money to make a wonderful memory. It doesn't take a whole lot of money to make a tradition or to make what it is important count.

This year has been financially difficult for many people and  I know this month many will want to hang their heads in shame if they cannot afford new household items or gifts for friends. Many of you will place yourselves in foolish situations and debt to afford things you think you cannot do without over the holiday.
You CAN do without a ham, a case of plus and a gallon or rum. YOU CAN. 

This year, recognize what is really important in your life.
 Live within your means this Christmas and see that happiness cannot be bought in any store. 

Bisous!!xoxo

Touchy Topic - What makes a great sex partner?

Topic as Submitted - What makes a man or woman a great sex partner? 

Today's topic will be the shortest in the history of my blog.

It depends on what you like, what your partner likes, what you both like and what you are both willing to do.
A sexual relationship is often an extension of a physical or emotional connection to a person. For women, it is usually the emotional, for which the get into her head before you get into her bed rule was invented. And for men it is usually the physical for which lingerie and high heels among other things were created. This is not always the case but it assist in my explanation.

As humans we rely on our senses for everyday task and sex is no exception. Knowing which of the senses you and your partner like will assist you in being "the best you can be". Are you visual or auditory creatures? How can you mix your likes with theirs to create a merge that pleases you both? Obviously if one person is happy and the other is not, the latter will not be returning.
ANY interaction with another human being requires some form of communication. (Work, school, the gym, etc...) you either have to TALK to the person about what you want/like/prefer or in the case of this topic, find a way to SHOW them. The less bossy the better, unless they like bossy (some people do).

Give and take and the willingness to try something new and unorthodox will always win you points. But never force yourself into doing what feels unnatural or uncomfortable, because it will create tension and therefore defeat the purpose.

I do not know if the "partner" in this case is a long time partner or one night fling. If it is a one night fling I guess you probably won't care that they aren't so good.

 To each his own and that applies to both men and women. I can't tell you what makes a good partner for anyone else but myself - and that, of course, I won't tell you.

Have a great day every one!!
Bisous!!xoxo

Herald the age of the Robot - part 1

I intentionally skipped the Touchy Topic for today. I had been asked to touch on a relationship oriented topic but a post on CNN this morning tied in with a topic I had been discussing with my mum last night and I felt obligated to share it.

We live in a age where technology has become such that cameras once hefty and needed to be wound between shots, have now been implanted into almost every phone and a number of other gadgets. It is now easy to snap a photo of any unsuspecting person or event  - and I am guilty of doing such on numerous occasions.

Me, like many others armed and dangerous with a blackberry or other device, hopes to perhaps capture some random historic event that will get me paid greatly, since the internet has made it easy to find wealth and fame with the right photo. With my flair for finding drama, I often hope I do not capture a crime in progress or any such other unfortunate scenario that will land me in the center of trouble.

The trend of snapping photos (and sharing them on social sites) has become so noticeably out of hand that persons have lost touch with their sympathetic and empathetic sides where photos are concerned. If a person falls in the middle of the street, anyone in the area with a camera rushes to take the photo first and help as an after thought.

The latest in this trend was a freelance photographer who snapped a photo of a man pushed into the path of an oncoming train and submit the photo to a highly recognized newspaper. Weather it was his right to take the photo or not, I don't know, I don't think taking photos of a person's impending death is against the law. 

Did he have time to help? From the CNN story it seems that neither him or anyone in closer proximity to the man could have saved him, perhaps without risk of being pulled onto the track with him. Incidents such as these occur so quickly, panic and confusion blur the fabric of time and thought. My thought is such that if I saw a man screaming for help in the path of an oncoming train, I would either rush in his direction even though aide may be futile, or I would have paused dead in my tracks in the horror of what I was about to witness. I suppose a trained photographer already armed with a camera wold have the habitual reflex of camera up to the eye.

I am not particularly upset the photographer snapped the shot. I, however, feel quite uneasy that the photographer tried to defend himself when the story became controversial by claiming he had hoped to capture the attention of the oncoming train with the flash from his camera. 

Had I snapped the shot I would have had a great moral debate with myself before thinking of submitting it to a newspaper for money. Was the paper right to splay this on the front page? 

This is not a man who by some means of folly on his own part fell onto the tracks and would thereby serve as a warning for folly doers everywhere - this was a man with a wife and child who was intentionally shoved onto the tracks after getting into an argument with another man and here his last moments are displayed for all to see. 

Why not display the face of the man who pushed him there? I will bet he will be protected by some souped up criminal law, while the other man's family is left to mourn. 

By now you might have been too engrossed in my ranting to remember the title of this blog and wonder what any of what I have said has to do with heralding the age of the robot. But if you are a smart reader you will have figured it out by now.

See how technological advances can connect us to people from all around the world but disconnect us from the people right in front of our faces? How many times has someone paused a conversation with you to type a message in their Blackberry to someone perhaps miles and miles away. Blatantly ignoring someone in front of you is no longer seen as a lack of respect. Photos such as the one spoken of here today are no longer seen as a lack of empathy. 

We are making way for an age where robots will walk among us and be programmed to do the things that humans no longer care to do.

Im my minds eye I see a robot rushing onto the tracks to snatch that man from impending doom while humans stand idly by. They will clap and cheer and then go on with their lives, if they even clap or cheer or notice he was on the tracks at all.

This is what our society is becoming. 

Bisous!!xoxo

You can read the CNN story here - http://edition.cnn.com/2012/12/04/us/new-york-subway-death/index.html?eref=mrss_igoogle_cnn

How much is too much?

Sometimes I am a little slow as to what occurs in the real world, but I had set my sights on pregnant barbie and her clan just recently and to be honest I was a bit surprised at some of the additions to modern day toys. Though I don't know why I should have been, it seems lately nothing is left a mystery to young minds. But that is what I get for being an eighties baby.

And speaking of babies, every young woman who has had any semblance of a child hood has invented some kind of game where mummy daddy and baby lived in harmony, going for walks in the park with the stroller and changing stinky diapers.
In these times where the family unit is so broken and busted, I have witnessed many children's versions of "house" change to scenarios where daddy is no longer present and if he is he comes home drunk and punches mummy's light's out.


Never the less, the fact remains, that in the games of boys and girls alike, baby is a well known aspect of family life. Much more can be said on the subject of the interaction between boys and girls and dolls and babies, but that would be straying off the intended topic - which is - How far is going too far with teaching children about the real world?

Being certified in child care and having worked over many years with young children it is indeed a fact that play aides in readying children for the world. It allows them to merge fantasy with reality to create and solve situations of varying kinds. All kids know babies come from mummies bellies and now they can pluck them out just like the doctor would. Does this kind of doll promote proper play or does this give misconceptions of birth - and above all, is it necessary?

Personally, in today's era where children are so smart and curious, I didn't see too damage in the baby in belly doll. I wished the pregnant mummy doll could have come with a daddy doll as well, but of course a rabbit can dream, can't he?

Once upon a time in the games of children, Ken and Barbie dated and got married and had kids, now Barbie  is knocked up by God knows who and posing for photos celeb like with her bulging belly. Ken is now in maintenance court for a child that he can't say for certain is his or not and the entire idea of the family unit has gone to hell in a baby basinette.

The promotion of pregnant Barbie does not promote single parenting or promiscuous living, that is a matter of the parent of the house in which pregnant Barbie resides.

Barbie not only comes with her swollen stomach but with placenta and umbilical cord extending from her plastic vagina.

When I see Barbie spread eagle, panties down and what looks like a head poking out of her plastic pubic area, this is where I asked the question. Was all that really necessary for your young child? 
It is argued that the birthing process is difficult for some adults to handle and should not be taught to young children less they be traumatized, but others believe that by exposing young minds to this natural process of life, both male and females will be less squeamish and confused in regard to the birthing process.
In my opinion plucking a baby from a plastic leg space will never prepare you for the sight of a real baby head coming from a real womb.

If I had a daughter, pregnant Barbie and her accessories would NOT be going under the tree for Christmas.

Bisous!!xoxo

Look out for more odd dolls later in the week...bet you didn't know they made Fat Barbie, Zombie Barbie and a whole range of other madness. 

Monday Randomness

Some of you noticed I went M.I.A since last Monday. I was dealing with some personal issues, and even though it didn't stop my train of thought in terms of blogging, I just decided to disconnect myself from the internet and other such related means of communication.

Perhaps I will tell you more about it in Sunday's Sermon for this week. I have been considering making some of my post a bit more personalized. 

To share or not to share more of Cocoa, that is the question. while I ponder it, today will be just quick random thoughts.

1. Who does this to their cat and why?

2.Who remembers the cabbage patch kids? I still have mine from my childhood, and is it worth any money? I lost his shoes and clothes but could I get anything for him on E-Bay?

3. I would so like to be here right now.

4. If you don't know who this is you missed a great era in childhood. 

5. I am so tempted to do this on the bus... I really am.

Okay, that's enough Randomness for the day. This week you can look forward to post about wives who get too complacent in their marriages, the foolishness parents are teaching their children, along with the Touchy Topics, Ask Cocoa on Saturday and the Sunday Sermon.

Thanks for reading and thanks for those who messaged to say they missed the blog post!

HAVE A GREAT MONDAY EVERYONE!!

Bisous!!xoxo

Sunday's Sermon - Find The Crack

People always ask me where I get the inspiration for my post and my reply is always nowhere and everywhere. It would surprise them the things I can be inspired by.

One of my latest favorite series is Fringe - if you know the series it is based on supernatural like happenings and conspiracy theories merged with a bit of forensics. In one particular episode a female cop was given a pen by her male partner with the engraving "find the crack". The cop states that in every darkness there is a crack of light. 

Usually, the crack of light in this instance is used in connection with conspiracy theories to encourage a person to open their minds to that flicker in their subconscious that tells them an "impossible" scenario can indeed be possible. However, I also recall the phrase being used in a book I read once where a young man faced a serial killer and was knocked unconscious. Upon awakening he found himself in a dark unknown room and set out to find a crack of light in the darkness that would offer him hope that there was a door, window or some means of escape. The two may seem unconnected, but in both instances, there is the bending of the mind to allow the "impossible" to become possible.

What does all this horror stuff have to do with the Sunday sermon you may be asking. 

Just take a look at today's economy. Aren't we indeed seeing some dark and dismal times? People are losing jobs, barely able to keep their heads afloat. Families and children are in crisis and daily people are losing hope. They are becoming overwhelmed and consumed with depression and despair.  They are telling themselves their situation is impossible to get out of.

In my own life, I have seen some dark times. I have often wondered why I was made to suffer, struggle and sacrifice when I considered myself to be a good person and "bad" people were skipping along seemingly stress free. 

Times like these are when we have to find the crack in the darkness of our own lives. Seek out that crack of light that offers hope that there is a window or door in which will lead to our escape of the dark. 

A crack! - not a stream, not a beam, not a ray. A crack is something very small. People think that hope and help come with trumpets and confetti in a parade. They do not understand that something as small as a crack is all it takes. Your bills may be backed up, you may be hungry and unemployed, but the fact that you are healthy and strong may be the crack in your darkness. Your health grants you the ability to get up today or tomorrow and seek some source of income or perform some random odd job to help you get by. 

The man that found himself locked in a dark unknown room didn't just lay there and cry and wait to die. He stood up with what little strength he had left, and began to look for the crack. He stumbled over dead bodies and bones, but he didn't let the fate of others deter him. When he didn't find the crack, he refused to give up, instead he got down on his hands and knees and crawled the length and breath of the room searching again from a different angle.

 The fact that many people had been there before him and had died where he stood could have made him believe his situation was impossible, but he knew his life depended on finding that small glint of hope. 

Maybe someone today needs that small glint of hope too.

Like the man in the story, DO NOT GIVE UP, do not loose hope because you see others around you have lost hope. 

There is a crack in every darkness. Find Yours.

Do you see now how something as seemingly irrelevant as a pen in a movie has inspired me to inspire you? Inspiration is all around us, if we open our minds to it.

Bisous!!xoxo

Black Friday

The yearly madness continues...I'm sure most of you know about Black Friday, the after Thanksgiving sale spree that occurs in America. Truth was, when I got an email regarding black Friday I automatically looked at my calendar and was a bit confused.

Yes, sometimes I have no clue of what goes on in the world, but thank God for Google, CNN, and my very own Barbadian Nation (now online so my fingers don't need to get black with print ink).

For those of you who are unaware, I am not only barely reaching the five foot mark, but I am a regular Olive Oyl. Crowds and I do not mix very well. Being pushed, shoved and yelled at are three of the things I loathe most, mix them with my hot temper and you can see how being involved in Black Friday would only lead to my arrest. 

Like perhaps everyone else in the world, I enjoy a good bargain, especially in these times where the price of everything has gone sky high, but I don't want bargains at the cost of life or limb. 

You may think I am exaggerating, but there have been accounts of shootings, stabbings and a number of various injuries and arrest related to this shopping spree madness. I have watched footage of people being trampled in the rush to be the first in the stores. And not just Americans are in on this, but people from all countries travel to the state at this time of the year just to get in on the action. Many Barbadians plan their trips around Black Friday and other sale events to be able to pack barrels of groceries to send home.

Many other countries are following the trend of Black Friday, including my own little Barbados. Though we are not a country that goes by seasonal trends, events like Christmas, Easter, Valentine, etc... find store owners packing away the leftover stock until the next year to sell again. But larger franchises like Unicomber (Courts) and Cave Shepherd have picked up on the benefit of store wide sale. Events like Midnight Madness at Christmas time have become recognized and anxiously awaited. 

It was hilarious for my friends and I to create scenarios of what would happen if we sought to emulate Black Friday in Barbados. How many people would end up in the hospitals? How many behind bars? And even more interesting, what would be left to purchase the next day?
"My Bajans too love a sale" ( I say in Bajan dialect)
I am sure if prices came down to the prices of those in American department stores, there would be nothing left on the shelves within hours.

Still, some people live for the thrill of not just the good deals, but the fact that they were able to get them first or wrestle them out the clutch of some other desperate person. 

Me? I'll pass. 

And I know there are a few other sensible people out there who are able to find good deals without the drama. 

Bisous!!xoxo

For more black Friday stories and photos - click the link!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/22/black-friday-horror-stories-2012_n_2172516.html

Touchy Topic Thursday - Twitter Beef

Topic as Submitted - What you got to say about all these people cussing and beating people over what they say about them on twitter?*

Cocoa Bisou joined facebook yesterday and tossed a few random post up on there, one of which was K Michelle cursing out one of the "fans" at her own show (while she was on stage) over something they said on twitter.
I heard of  K Michelle before, but I didn't really know who she was, and after I saw her acting up, I didn't want to know.

For the life of me I cannot figure why she was on twitter during her own concert and why she felt it appropriate or necessary to curse out someone who had come to see her. Even if they came to talk trash, it was evident there was something that fascinated them about her because they were there. I assumed it could have been just a publicity stunt.

But there was no publicity stunt in the video I watched earlier in the year  where a young black female dragged another young woman from her doorway and repeatedly stomped on her head over some "racist" remark tweeted.

It is more and more obvious to me that people do not understand the reason for the delete, block, remove, and in this case, the unfollow option. If there is someone saying things that you don't like, remove them from your social site. Simple, easy, effective and no one loses sleep at night.
I may follow someone today whose tweets are hilarious and entertaining, then five days later those hilarious tweets have become repetitive and there are only so many times I can laugh at the same joke, therefore I unfollow them. More likely than not, they don't care, they have some thousands more followers, half of which they probably purchased.

I have not had the issue of anyone saying anything about me, but then again, hey, I have as much followers as a bored housewives book club. But I have come across people that will dislike me on the first encounter for whatever reason. Let them say what they want, I know who I am and I am happy with myself. 
Old people went to war and fought, lost limbs and died for the freedom we enjoy. part of that freedom is allowing people to say whatever they want. And I thank God for that, or I probably could not even be writing this post now.

People who feel the need to constantly defend themselves and lash out every time someone says something negative about them or their family, or their country or their race has unresolved issues they need to address.

I love me some me...I don't care what they say about me on twitter or anywhere else. If I want beef, I look for it at the supermarket, not on the internet.

Bisous!!xoxo

*Please note the topics are written as received. My Barbadian reader wrote in Bajan dialect. I will fix spelling mistakes, but rarely will I change/correct grammar. This blog is for everyone of every background to feel free to send me their topics and questions.

Single Ladies Online - Beware!!

SINGLE LADIES ONLINE BEWARE OF INTERNET FRAUDS...

DO NOT BE DESPERATE!!

This man goes by the name/alias Andrew Roberts - here is pictured with a child who he claims to be his son Patrick. The photo may be real, but the story that goes with it is not. It is nothing more than a ploy to get women to send money to a fraud. If this man is real - and you happen to know his photo is being used without his knowledge in a scam, please inform him. If he is indeed aware of this foolishness, please offer him a dose of Dioxin.

 I don't know how many of you have ever received mail from an unknown person expressing interest in having you as an online friend or pen pal, then asked you for money for some random emergency. It has happened to me before and I have heard stories of it happening to other people both male and female.

Now these internet frauds are going to new lengths by preying on single women who may be seeking partners online by adding them through social and dating sites, sharing photos, exchanging life stories and gaining the trust of women desperate for a life partner, then seeking to con them into sending them money. 

My single women, DO NOT be so desperate for a partner that you allow yourself to be fooled. 

I have never been on a dating site nor am I actively seeking an online relationship so such offers do not appeal to me,  but due to my blogs and other work I am contacted by random people on different social sites. Some are seeking information on business services, others are commenting on my blog work, others are inquiring as to my relationship status. 

Many men are too "fresh" for my taste and for that reason I began to withhold much of my personal information on social networks. Some people will lie and claim "married" on their social sites to keep away men who may be interested in pursuing them romantically or taking advantage of them.

Because of this it is difficult to know who is really who or what they claim to be.

What begins as a friendly hello turned into a man sharing his tragic life story with me about the loss of his wife and his hardship raising a son on his own. From the start I suspected this man was a fraud, so I went along with the story to see at what point he would throw in the twist.

 For weeks the man was placid and patient, then he began to express the joy he felt by being able to talk to me and claimed to thank God every night in his prayers for a friend to talk to. He then began to express his need for a female companion as he had already gotten past the formalities of telling me about his job, income and house. Within a month the man was ready to send me money to travel to be with him if my heart so desired.

I am amazed that women out there are still falling for these stories and scams. Many women are so lonely that they are overjoyed and overwhelmed when a man pays such interest. And women seeking to leave their country will be tempted to grab at these types of offers.

This man, who claimed to be an American working with an American company doing work in Nigeria (which was a dead giveaway for me from day one) revealed one day his son fell ill. By the next day his son was worse and by the third day the son was at death's door due for expensive test and treatments that he would need US$300 (BDS$600) for until his pay check came through at the end of the month.

It took him a while to build the momentum, but he didn't disappoint in being fraudulent. The delay is what fools many women. The passing time allows them to develop a connection. 

Ladies, I know some of you are lonely and may be tired of one date after the next. Some of you haven't been out in the world of relationships for a while and find safe haven behind your computer screen. But in the online world, like in the real world, many men out there are out for their own selfish and personal gain. they DO NOT care about you, nor do they have good intentions.

Please be fully aware that some of the "strangers" you may meet may very well know you even if you don't know them. All too often we hear stories of women who have given out their address and so such details to someone who they think is in another continent that turns out to be in their very neighborhood and shows up at their doorstep to do them harm. Many women think it can never be them, until it is. I have a friend in Canada who was stalked for months by an online date site chat partner.

I have heard many great stories of people finding love online and many tragic stories of people finding death as well. If a stranger walks up to you on the street you would not gush out your life story and personal info (well, some people do but the average person usually does not) so take the same approach with an online stranger. 

Be Smart With Your Heart!

Bisous!!xoxo

Her First Love.

Hip Hop artiste Teairra Marie sang -  "I ain't had no daddy around when I was growing up, that's why I'm wild and I don't give a ****."

In the same way female children look up to their mothers for their ideas of beauty, fashion and behavior, they look up to fathers for the idea of what a man should be. How he dresses, acts and most importantly treats the women in his life (by women I don't mean girlfriends, I mean, mother, daughter, grandmother, old lady next door, etc...)
A man that is constant in physically or verbally abusing his girlfriend, wife and/or children sets the ideal in the mind of a young girl of how she should be treated. She will always be walking on eggshells around men, wondering when they will lash out and curse her out or box her to the floor.

 A man who speaks lovingly, scolds gently, takes a moment to listen and laugh with his daughter sends her out into the world  with a kind and gentle spirit, trusting, open and willing to love rather than always trying to protect her heart from hurt.

This photo of Will Smith and his daughter Willow brought back memories of moments shared with my own father. Though my days were mostly spent in the presence of my mother, the times my father was available to me, he spent nights reading me Greek Mythology and singing duets with me while strumming his guitar. I thought my father had the most beautiful voice in the world, and though there may be male singers that may be able to surpass the vocal skills of my dad, he will always be my singing superstar. Just to hear him singing Edelweiss makes you want to break down and cry.

I sat in awe at my father's book shelf reading titles of books too advanced for my age, but the stories of Greek Mythology my father told were so impressive, I wondered what other great adventures lay tucked away on his shelf. Reading and music are still my first loves. To this day I am happy to be locked away for hours with a novel or singing at the top of my voice in my room. In the years gone by, I took on a studio recording contract and focused my love of reading into writing novels of my own.

Yes, I am certain my mother could have done the same with the same result. Coming from a two parent home, my mother also played a great role in my development, but fathers need to understand the love and admiration that comes from him is of a different nature than that of a mother or other female.

A young woman as she begins to date and/or look for a life partner recalls the type of man her father was, or was not. A woman who had a father that loved, listened, talked, encouraged and inspired will seek (often unknowingly) to acquire those qualities. 

A woman who had a father of the opposite nature may either believe that is the only type of man she can be wth because she has made herself able to deal with or handle such a man OR she may not want that type of man understanding that his behavior is destructive, but may find herself attracting or gravitating toward men of such nature, due to the attitude already deeply rooted in her.

 Just to have daddy's undivided attention can often be enough.

I have no degree in human behavior. Many factors affect the actions and behaviors of a child when it becomes an adult. All I am saying to you fathers is this - You may not be able to sing ballads like my dad, or even know how to read and therefore cannot read to your daughter. (it is not uncommon).

- TEACH her to catch fish if that is what you are good at, teach her to swim, to run, to handstand, ride a bike. Those things are just as important as her knowing how to put on makeup and do her hair.

-SHARE in her girly play, clap when she spins like a ballerina and drink her pretend tea. DO NOT feel too manly to do this. You are preparing your daughter for the world and teaching her how to interact.

-TELL your daughter she is beautiful, if she is black as midnight or white as snow. Tell her she is smart, she is talented. And most of all tell her you love her and don't stop telling her no matter how old she gets. It is the one thing a woman never grows tired of hearing. 

MAKE GOOD MEMORIES.

Bisous!!xoxo

I leave you with the words of Alanis Morissette from one of my favorite songs - Princes Familiar. In it she speaks of characteristics she wishes fathers to instill so that in the quest for men of tiher own, daughters would be able to identify the man that is familiar to them. A man like their own father.

Papa love your Princess so that she will find loving Princes familiar, 

Papa cry for your Princess so that she will find, gentle Princes familiar, 

Papa listen to your Princess so that she will find attentive Princes familiar, 

Papa hear your Princess so that she will find curious Princes familiar,

Papa laugh with your Princess so that she will find funny Princes familiar,

Papa respect your Princess so that she will find respectful Princes familiar,

Sunday's Sermon - Letting Go...

No matter how beautiful a thing may still seem,
it it brings more hurt than happiness -
It's time to let it go.

LETTING GO....some people think it's the same as giving up. I don't. I consider it more like moving on to something else from something that no longer works or brings pain, distress and frustration.
Maybe I am wrong and they are one in the same. Well, if they are or aren't, today I am inclined to say that sometimes you have to let go - move on - give up - throw in the towel.

You have been struggling with a man that is hitting you time and time again. you say he is going through some issues and he will get better, but for years now, he seems to be getting worse. Let him go.

You are trying to do everything you can for a child who won't come off cocaine. You give them food, shelter, clothing, money. take them to and from rehab. Seek employment for them, stay patient with them, but they continue to spiral like Alice down the rabbit hole. Let them spiral - alone.


You may think I have no clue what I am talking about today. How can I advise a woman to walk away from a man that may be the love of her life or her only source of income? How can I ask someone to turn away from their child in trouble?
Ever heard of tough love? Sometimes people need it. Sometimes the drug addicted child needs to stop being fed and lead further into dependency, sometimes the abusive man/husband needs to have his punching bag taken away. Sometimes we, the ones that keep holding on to these people, need to put some tough love on OURSELVES and WALK AWAY from the chains that are keeping us bound in order to live at our full potential.

I do not speak these words idly. I speak them based on experiences of my own and from the experiences of families that have walked in and out the doors of my father's homeless shelters and rehab programs. I have witnessed as well as lived in denial for many years about many things.
Perhaps you have opened a business, taken on a mortgage or loan and you are struggling - in above your head and the stress is too much too bear. Still you are holding on because you don't want to look like a failure to your friends, family, neighbors, you don't want to feel like a failure and have to look yourself in the mirror everyday knowing that you did not succeed in whatever it was you set out to do.
I am here to tell you today - LET IT GO!
Stop holding on, STOP beating yourself into the ground. Create a Plan B, a Plan C, a plan D if you have to and move it along. Take your loses, chuck up your deuces and go. 

If that man is hurting you again and again...let him go.

For some people letting go will be liberating. There will be a sense of freedom and relief that floods through you the likes of which you have never felt. Your eyes may be opened up to a new world of possibilities and you may wonder why you never let go of your burden sooner.
For others it will be the hardest thing you have ever had to do. You will feel as though you dropped the weight you were carrying on your head and the pressure wants to crush your skull and kill you. You will ask yourself if you have lost your mind and day and night perhaps ask yourself if you have done the right thing. But in the back of your mind there will always be that echoing YES! Time is indeed a healer of all things, and for you to ever be healed you need to be away from the situation hurting you.

Drugs of alcohol destroying your family? Thinking? Way of life?
Don't be afraid to get help letting go if you cannot handle it alone.

If it's the bottle that keeps you running back spending your hard earned money day after day or weekend after weekend, LET IT GO. 
If it is negative and disruptive friends with whom you no longer fit in and no longer feel comfortable with or accepted by, LET THEM GO.
 If it is drugs destroying your way of thinking, your way of life or caused you to loose family, work and friends, LET IT GO.
If a relationship has you torn - you are with a married man that won't leave his wife. LET IT GO. You are with a woman who you know only wants you for financial aide, LET IT GO. If you are waiting for a man or woman who is involved with someone else to love you and you are constantly hurting and obsessing over why you are not good enough for them to want you  - LET IT GO!
DO YOU HEAR ME??

Sometimes it takes much hurt and much grief for us to get to the level where we are so frustrated that we choose to move on. But often when we reach that level our spirits are so broken and damaged it is hard for us to rebuild our lives without painful shards still stuck to us. These sharp edges end up hurting those around us who really care and pushing them away.
TAKE STEPS today to let your heartache go. You may not be able to all at once, but just like moving house, begin to pack your things little by little. Don't be afraid to get help letting go if you cannot do it alone.

Give yourself some tough love. Don't keep trying to fix a broken record player. Go out and get an ipod. Change is inevitable and it comes harder for those who keep holding on to the past. If what was is gone. LET IT GO - and move on. 

May You be Inspired Today Readers!


PS - Anyone reading this post and thinks they need help with a situation, or a recommendation to a pastor or counselor -  Please do not be afraid to email me at cocoabisou@gmail.com