Selfish Parenting 101

As a child of the eighties, I have watched my generation and the generation that followed spiral down into an abyss of no morals, values, self -worth or self esteem. Sex and selfish behaviors took the place of all else and I often wonder if I am the last of a dying breed.

An issue that came to me recently was that of young women and men who want to have children, but don't want to be in a relationship with the parent of the child.
Well, excuse me for giving a damn about the well - being of the future black Bajan generation whose young people are so broken, angry and bitter, yet no one wants to admit to seeing the connection between broken homes and jail sentences.

I have had a male "friend" who wanted to have a child. He didn't want to be married, he didn't care if the mother came around or not. All he knew was that HE wanted a child.
Perhaps his desire to love and nurture a child the way his father did not love and nurture him was admirable, but I wish he could have had a uterus, vagina and breast so he could also conceive, bear the contractions, deliver and breast feed, for the only way I could sum up his behavior was selfish and if you are that selfish as to only be thinking of what YOU want then you should be able to do everything for YOUR self. How can you want a baby and not "want" the mother? How can you lay with a woman and then disregard her opinion about the child that she waddled with for nine months?

And yes, likewise there are women out there seeking men with "good genes" to have babies for because good looking babies are what counts (sarcasm, people). Dad doesn't need to be in the life of a child -  mothers have been raising kids solo for years haven't they? If my child is good looking it will be okay.
Sometimes I wonder what alien aircraft these people were thrown off.

Children have parents because they need parents. Caught the S? Plural, as in more than ONE - work with me here. If we were made to have them alone and raise them alone we would have been asexual beings (google it if you don't know what asexual means).

I wish that the idea of raising kids together to our young people was more than just having a child together, where one parent visits on weekends and birthdays and you trade on Christmas.
Having children and thinking the child will be okay if it does not see it's mother or father.

Maybe it will! Maybe your child will grow to adult hood and be just fine never knowing or having interaction with it's sperm or womb donor. On the other hand, maybe it will be bitter, resentful, hateful and have a ton of issues stemming from not feeling the love of that parent.
I am no social worker, I don't have the stats. But I look around me every day and see children angry, bitter and confused. Acting up and acting out and being looked upon as social deviants raised in broken homes and dysfunctional families.

If a child of a two parent homes gets into a fight, ever notice there is less drama and emphasis placed on that child than a child of a single parent home? The child of the two parent home gets a pass for having a "bad day" but the first question the teacher or guidance counselor asks the single parent child is if it is having any issues stemming from the mother of father that is absent in their life?
More often than not the single parent child was just having a bad day too, but studies indicate single parent children are more likely to have behavior and emotional problems.

I am not bashing anyone. I know for a fact some relationships do not and cannot work out no matter how you twist it. I am simply concerned about the direction of our generation.
I wish I could see more families. And I mean more families together under one roof. I wish children could see their parents kissing and hugging instead of screaming and cursing each other in the street. I wish young people would stick out trying to make their relationships work the way they stick out that they can handle it alone.
I applaud you for having the courage and guts and strength to handle raising your kid alone, but it was not intended to be that way.

I think this generation has been "raised" to not take on any form of commitment, be it marriage or long term relationships. Men are running from the proverbial ball and chain and women have been brainwashed into being strong and independent. That way of thinking is ruining our society and destroying our future generation.

Food for thought.

The skinny of it...

I have always wondered why it is that when I am called skinny or bone bird I never take offence, yet to say the word fat in 2013 is like a criminal offence that will have hoards of big girls wanting to stampede your house and loved ones.
WHY are big women so offended by the term fat? Skinny is skinny and that is how you describe it (I remember a few skinny women being insisted on called petite due to their own self-esteem issues, but I never cared either way what I was called). Yet there are a million other phrases I have to remember to use to describe a big woman as to not offend her. She is big boned, thick, heavy, chunky, large, thick set. She is even a curvy diva.

I have been told I do not understand the "struggle" as I have grown up in the era where it is acceptable to be rail thin thanks to the Victoria Secret lingerie models whose ribs can clearly be counted from miles away.

I realize society has shed much negative light on big women, portraying them as unhealthy eaters who are prone to develop more diseases than a woman weighing significantly less. But there are two sides of the scale (no pun intended). There will be harmful effects on the body if you are a three hundred pound plus adult female the same as there will be if you are an adult female weighing seventy pounds.
Those are the extremes.

When we focus on weight, fat or thin, we have to focus on HEALTH. The rate of metabolism of a woman, her genetics, DNA, etc... determines the weight and the control of the weight of a woman. Which is often something one often does not have much control over.
I could not gain fifteen pounds in any one year no matter how much I ate. Likewise some people find it difficult to loose fifteen pounds no matter how much they exercise or cease to eat.


I have never had a "problem" with thick women. I have never had the urge to call anyone a fat bitch. Yet it seems the "thick revolution" wishes to shed a negative light on women who are thin with their slogans of REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES.
Spare me the B.S. Real women can cook, are employed, have goals and don't go around trash talking people because they don't WEIGH the same as they do.

Dove's REAL BEAUTY campaign sought to assure women that ALL women of ALL sizes and colors and shapes are beautiful.
On it's own I think the poster stood out quite well and the message was successfully delivered and I agreed one hundred percent. But when run alongside a Victoria Secret ad it what did it suggest?
Real women have curves. You don't need to be skinny to be beautiful. And even though, again, I believe that is true, thick women are throwing it all out on the flip by attempting to make thin women seem like the inferior.

It is not the skinny women that have been making you feel inferior all these years. It is not even the model industry or the media, as much as they were the ones who have held the reins and guided the horse. IT WAS YOU who made yourself feel worthless minding what society said was beautiful.

I have not heard ONE single skinny woman complain or bitch how the thick woman campaign insults them.  I have not seen one skinny woman get upset when the Plus sized model revolution was stared. Not one skinny model complained that there would be less work for them or less money to go around in the industry of modelling. NOT ONE skinny woman batted an eye when the thick women said skinny was "out of style".
Yet, in spite of all of this curvy diva-tude, if I say the word fat, I am looked upon with disgust.

The media will always flow in the direction of the cash flow. If skinny makes the money, or fat or natural hair or weaves - there will the media be, telling you this is what is beautiful and in and accepted. You will always be fighting the standards of "society" if you do not fit them.

I say to you ladies, fat or skinny, thick or thin, even black or white. We all have issues. We all worry about looks and body shape and hair and acne. We all face the time of wondering about our futures, should we have kids, get married, take that job or the next, invest in stock or have a life insurance policy.
YOUR WEIGHT DOES NOT MAKE YOU ANY MORE OR LESS OF A PERSON, but your attitude does.

You DO NOT have to bring someone else down to lift yourself up. Try to remember that.

The Real Self Hate.

Recently I was  accosted by a fat/thick/chunky/curvy/obese woman. It seems every form of the word fat is offensive so take your pick.
I was shopping for jeans in my size, which happens to be a 0 in a few Bridgetown stores. By now most people know that there is such a thing as Size 0 as well as double and triple 0 as well.
I am always highly annoyed when I ask for a 0 and the sales assistant insist I fit a 3, because it is cut small.
To them, a Size 3 already looks like no possible healthy human adult could fit into it.

I was at the umpteenth store unsuccessful so far in my mission, where a sales clerk brought down a Size 1 from the store room and insisted I try it. One look at the jeans and I knew it wouldn't fit. Still she insisted I try it. I insisted it was a waste of time.

A large woman in the store overheard my exchange with the sales assistant and said to her friend clearly and loudly enough for me to hear.
"I hate these stupid skinny bitches. Who the hell wants to be a Size 0? She thinks she a model or something? She better put on some weight before she blows away."
To which her not so fat friend replied, "She ain't even cute."

THAT, friends, is a prime example of self hate. And I don't mean the self hate natural women like to accuse weave wearing sisters of. Or the self hate that women who don't wear make-up accuse women who do of. Not even the kind of self hate you are said to have if you bleach your black as midnight skin. All those things people can do with their own money on their own time without offending a soul.
But THAT! that is the REAL self hate. The kind where you hate your self so much that you have to attempt to make strangers in a store feel bad about themselves.

Such comments never merit response from me. I simply sashayed from the store with a laugh and extra sway in my skinny little hips.

Lades, be aware of your attitudes. If you "hate" skinny women, thick women, black women, white women. Ask yourself a serious WHY. Hate usually stems from some sort of resentment or jealousy.
Address the real issue and deal with it. Your hate toward people is a refection of what you hate about your self.

Food for thought.

Education for Poor People. Certificate course BS

A friend of mine mentioned to me that she was taking an aesthetics course at the Samuel Jackman Prescod Polyclinic.
I refrained from showing my disinterest.
Personally I would not spend a cent of my hard earned money to waste three months of my time obtaining a certificate from the good old SJPP.
I would rather subscribe to an American drag queen's You Tube channel.

As far as I am concerned,the courses offered at the polytechnic are merely introductory courses. These classes offer the basics.  Upon attaining a certificate from the institute you are still unable to gain employment at a recognized place of business, unless you have a few years of experience in the working environment.

What makes it worse is that the courses have over the years been split into two. Beginners and so- called advanced. You are now paying DOUBLE for the knowledge you used to obtain in one set of classes.

I have had this experience at The Erdiston teacher training college where they have split the Early Childhood Education class into Part 1 and 2. The one class which used to be $590 dollars is now two classes at $590 each.
What pisses me off is after obtaining your Early childhood certificate the only places interested in you are private owned Day Care centers who seek to pay $5 an hour.

Where in the world can I go to work other than Barbados with these certificates? Can I go to America or England and boast I am Erdiston certified? or SJPP certified? Yet persons with child care and cosmetology certificates from other countries can migrate to my island and get a job before I can. Some of them can even open business and refuse to employ me due to my lack of proper certification.

It's disgusting and disheartening.
Everyone will not be able to attend U.W.I or our Community College. And many more will never be able to leave this island to study abroad due to lack of finances. But I believe if the government of Barbados has made provision for the poor among us to be educated, let the classes be of worth.

Black women are a black woman's worse enemy... PART ONE

This title and series of blogs is going to get me put on blast - but I don't care.
After being missing in blogger land for a long time, I have sen and heard enough foolishness to have a lifetime's  worth of things to talk about. Anyway, black women, here comes Part One.

My hair in a braided bun...

Those who follow my facebook Bajan shopping page know I have been wearing my hair in braids as I do from time to time. However, this scenario occurred in someone's car that I thought worth mentioning. Not recently - but still worth mentioning.

The LAST time I wore braids, I was being over worked and underpaid at a company that I will not mention. One day in particular, I was sent to run an errand with two of my co-workers and the daughter of my female boss, who brought her best friend along for the ride since she claimed to be "bored at home" being unemployed.


In the car the best friend made a series of mobile phone calls from one man to the other asking for money to have her hair done. The weave she was wearing was indeed a hot mess. It looked as though she had worn it for a year and had it dragged through the streets, chewed and peed on by her dog, however, that was either my business, nor my concern.
Having had no luck in her mission she cursed and fretted all through the trip and the daughter of my boss suggested she take the hair out and wear her own hair or have her hair braided, like mine.

At the remark, the best friend snorted and said she wasn't wearing her own hair when MEN were there with money with which hair could be bought and then she glanced over her shoulder to where I was seated in the rear seat and added that she hated braids, she thought braids were ugly and people who wore braids also looked ugly.

The car went dead quiet and I could feel the eyes of my co-workers piercing into my skin. Thanking God for my Blackberry, I simply went on scrolling through my BBM contact list as if it was the most interesting thing in the world and not saying anything.

My boss' daughter laughed aloud and added that she hated braids too, then swung around in the driver's seat to add "no offence" in my direction.
To which I simply responded - "None taken." and the best friend snorted.
"You know that shit ugly, yet you want me to put it on my head."
And the two broke into laughter while my co workers sat in nervous silence.

I could have reacted many different ways in this scenario, but none of them seemed worth it when I ran them through in my head, except the "keep my mouth shut" one that I did use.
Out of the car one of my co-workers said, she could not believe that they insulted me to my face.
 But she was incorrect, they attempted to insult me to my face, for the truth of the matter was, how could I be insulted  by a young woman with no means of employment, a matted mat on her head and self pride so low that she would ask random men for money to do her hair in a car full of strangers?

I had spent many hours parting my rows and braiding my hair, a fact I was very proud of, and no one could take that from me.
It is a true fact everyone cannot like everything and if these two did not care for braids, or  it was their opinion the braids, or the wearer was indeed ugly, there is a time and place for that opinion to be voiced, and the car at that moment was neither place nor time.
People who do not know or PRETEND not to know what is appropriate and inappropriate in an attempt to make other people feel insignificant or worthless - are not offensive to me.

This story is just one of many that go to show how black women constantly seek to bring each other down. When a "woman" (I use the term loosely) who does not know me from a hole in the wall seeks to insult me for no reason other than she felt like it, it shows how far the black woman has fallen.
Women who seek to make other women feel small have issues with their OWN self esteem and the only way they can feel good about themselves is to attempt to make others feel bad about theirs.

Of course I can go on and on about the fact that this young able bodied woman choose to stay at home, unemployed and seek money from men - to buy weave of all things, but that is a rant for another time.
And trust me - there will be another time... very soon.

xoxo

Sunday Sermon - What do I have to be thankful for?

I don't preach religion in my Sunday post, nor am I here to put anyone on blast about their church or beliefs or lack of beliefs. I am here to encourage anyone who may be a bit down of spirit to not give up on themselves or life itself. 

I used to suffer from serious bouts of depression. I stressed about the choices I made in life and the reason why I was stuck in a never ending cycle of poverty and unemployment. I was unlucky at everything  set out to do and kept having set back after set back.
One set of worry and discontentment began to feed on the other and I was to the point that I was upset about how I looked, why I wasn't as pretty or as desirable as other women, why I was single and all other types of insecurities and dramas.

Over the years, I have matured greatly and even though I have much much more to learn and many more changes I aspire to have in my personal life, one thing I have learned to do is STOP concentrating on what I don't have and can't do. 

People will say, there is nothing you can't do - and maybe that is so, but there are some things you cannot do  or achieve right away.
Some people cannot wake up and sing like Billy Ocean and they never will, no matter how hard they try. They will spend years and thousands on voice training only to be angry and upset with the world, with God, with themselves of any other higher power for NOT giving them the ability to woo crowds with a beautiful voice.

So STUCK we become on what we are NOT doing, we forget the things we CAN DO and that we DO well. The little talents and gifts that each of us have been blessed with and developed as we age.
There are many among us who need simply smile and the entire room is filled with a warmth.

STOP focusing on what is out of reach today, what is "too difficult" what is "impossible". STOP comparing yourselves to someone with "more money",  a "better family", "a loving partner", "better looks". REMEMBER all these things are from your point of view on the outside looking in. Each of us have our own battles to face, and while you may be envious of something someone else has, they may be envious of something YOU posses, be it a talent, business or lifestyle.

THINK about the good qualities YOU posses today. the good things YOU have accomplished. The friends and family who love YOU for the person you are - flaws and all.
And when you think of these things no matter how silly or simple or small...( you may be good at getting stains out of white clothes, YES, that is a skill, believe it!) BE THANKFUL for that ability. BE THANKFUL for the people, places and situations that make you smile, laugh or be inspired or at peace.

As you begin to take stock of these things, some of the things that you do not posses won't seem nearly as important, and you may also find renewed energy to get out there with the good things YOU have and make the the impossible POSSIBLE.

Have a great week! And REMEMBER..

Sex Sells Overload

I KNOW I am going to get BLASTED for this post, but I don't care.
The makers of the poster I have displayed here obviously don't care what I think about their poster, so I should not care what they think about my post.
If the theory "sex sells" is still (obviously) in effect, I think we have long gone into sex sells overload. 
I can no longer recall the last time I saw a poster for a show or party that did NOT have a half naked woman on it - and though I do not see many of these such posters and fliers because I do not partake in any of these cruises, fetes and such other events, except on some day some strange ill ind blows, THIS poster took the cake for me.

IS THIS what it takes to get people to come to a cruise? A woman that looks like she is wearing no bottom, another with her leg up high enough for you to see up her middle and another with her breast brazenly exposed for a PUBLIC flier?

Sure! No one cares what kids see or do not see in this country  ( and the world) anymore. Hang these posters, and the Banks girl Calenders and all the half naked women of the world in the supermarkets and barber shops and corner shops where your sons and daughters go and stand and stare at what has now become the STANDARD for our society.

WILL anyone at the cruise be topless? Is this a topless cruise? So why is the woman here topless? And why could this, even if it WAS a topless cruise not be more tastefully done? 
Is THIS what it takes to make people come up out of their eighty five dollars?

Look at the first headline - Bear Wutless Activities Promotions. That would explain this tasteless promo, no doubt. But have we fallen so far in morale that we depend solely on sex and slackness to sell or promote every single Bajan event? 

Now tell me this what does the B.W.A stand for? For if it indeed represents any organisation starting with Barbados I am doubly upset. Yes, yes! We are all adults here, I have seen more than a breast or two in my lifetime and things I should probably have never seen, but this tells me we have reached the highest level of lazy. Just slap some half naked girls on a color background and Viola! A poster!

I really wish we could step it up in this country. But that might be too big of a wish to be granted.